What is a speaker, educator, radio show host, friend, confidant, and/or
leader without a voice? The answer is
silent, hidden behind the curtain, marginalized, someone to be pitied and so
much more. I can see it in their eyes as
I struggle to push each word out of my mouth only to have it croak and gasp as
it enters the air. It is a horrible
sound. It is not even the beautiful,
husky, smoky voice of Lauren Bacall. It is just plain ugly.
I believe my voice is my life and my movement. So what am I being told
with my lost voice?
There is always the physical. I
had surgery in January and this ordeal began shortly thereafter. So, was there a problem with the tubes they
put down my throat to knock me out? Was
it that the surgery took 2 ½ hours and my throat didn’t like that? Was it
something unrelated to the surgery? Yes,
it is physical, at least to some degree.
There is no explanation is to how it started, and I could see the damage
done right on the x-ray. My left vocal
cord has a nodule on it that prevents the cord from vibrating. So, there’s
that. There is also swelling in the surrounding tissue. Therapy appears to be the answer for the
physical with no timeframe as to when I will have my voice back.
Then there is the metaphysical explanation for the lost voice. Perhaps I
was just a bit too out there in public.
I had a radio show, a workshop, speaking engagements, clients, and
visibility as an expert on major news outlets like ABC, NBC, CBS, and FOX, to
name a few. I am also an international
best-selling author with a new book coming out in October.
Perhaps I am afraid of communicating my message and that I will not be
heard or might make someone angry with my words. Another thought is that I
might be judged on the words I am speaking.
I am a woman over 50. Is that not
the beginning of my losing my value as a wise woman? Is it the time when I should be hidden, at
home with the grandchildren, not out teaching leadership to my peers and
millennials? Is it a time when I am
being rejected for what I am trying to say?
What is the
answer?
I am not sure there is a clear answer to
this. I know that I will follow the
protocols of my ENT and Speech Therapist as it will make my physical voice
stronger. I know that my message is not
for everyone nor will it make everyone happy.
I have the right to express my opinions, my thoughts, my advice and
counsel, and for others to disagree. I
know not to take negative responses personally, but rather to see them as “not
now.”
Finally, I ask you to consider these questions and
to comment back to me:
1)
Have you ever experienced a roadblock plunked down in
front of you just as you were inspired, motivated, and kicking some
transformational butt?
2)
Why do you think this happens?
3)
Do you stop what you're doing and turn to find another
direction on the road? Or...
4)
Do you bust the block and move forward?
These are interesting times and this is something else that I know: I
will not give up being a messenger of my vision, my movement, or my
leadership. For whatever reason I'm experiencing this
right now, I'm using the experience to assess, to rest and rejuvenate, and to
steel my resolve even more to use my voice to educate, inspire, and motivate
women leaders to step into their comfluential leadership.