Recently, two people reminded me I was human. It didn’t make me happy.

Hey it’s me staci b!

The last few weeks have been especially challenging. Punctured tires. Unwarranted suspension of my cell phone family plan. Screwed up hotel reservations. Unrecognized passwords. Cancelling my birthday party because Mother Nature intervened. Oh, I forgot about the sciatica. And that’s not even everything.

Nothing life shattering.

Piled one on top of the other, however, it felt like a lot.

I have not been my best self through all of it. I’ve beaten myself up for being crabby, sullen, and short-tempered. I’ve convinced myself no one wants to listen to my sagas because we all need to be lifted up, not dragged down. I reminded myself of all I have to be grateful for, but at the time the list paled in comparison to the epic shit storm I felt I was living in.

I lost my sense of humor at times. Said, “Jesus Christ!” so many times I was afraid he’d appear. Descended into a black rabbit hole of WTF? Too drained and exhausted to even look for a way out, I really had to push myself to keep obligations, both personal and professional. How could I not be doing better?

I felt like a failure. And a hypocrite. Me, trumpeting the benefits of self-care and reconnection with who you really are - covered in the stink of… being human.

As two friends reminded me, sometimes life just piles up in a way that no matter what we do, it’s hard to see our way out of the muck. It’s possible to get derailed. To behave as someone we thought we’d grown beyond. But it’s also possible to reclaim the tracks. To come home to ourselves, despite the oppressiveness of external circumstances.

I wasn’t happy at first. The idea of “being human” shattered my ego’s illusion that I could be “perfect” - always the best daughter, friend, worker, sister, cousin. And it stung.

But the best solution to any ego challenge is always space and grace. Space to be exactly where you are. And the grace to accept it all. Easier said than done sometimes, but always the key to finding your true self again.

As I was traveling the path back to myself, a friend called out of the blue - to tell me how touched she was to be included in the acknowledgements of the Self-Care Journal. And to share that she knew no one else who used their gifts and talents the way that I do, to help others understand who they really are. The light always shows up when you least expect it in the most unpredictable way. And for that, I am very grateful.

Til next week…