When it comes to compliments and
flattery, it’s easy to get the two confused. However, my latest podcast
explores the difference between the two and makes a case for
compliments.
Compliments
When I was growing up, I loved to compliment others. And I still do today!
It’s always been easy for me to
acknowledge and appreciate the many ways in which others shine. Doing so
has uplifted my own spirits as well as those around me.
For purposes of this topic, I’d like
to return to my high school days. At the time, I had some of my own
talents. For example, I enjoyed singing in several choral groups,
writing for the school paper and deciphering deep meanings and symbolism
from novels we read in English class.
Similarly, I well remember students around me who excelled in their respective areas of interest and pursuit, too.
For starters, there were several
students in particular who excelled in Biology and Chemistry and I
frequently relied upon them to help me through science labs. I’d thank
them for their generous assistance and point out how their alternative
explanations often surpassed those of our teacher. If I’m not mistaken, a
few went on to earn PhD’s in the sciences. It gives me joy to realize
I’d accurately assessed and celebrated their special talents early on!
In gym class, where I probably ranked
among the least coordinated, I respected and honored female athletes
who were strong, confident and adept at sports. Not only would I
acknowledge their skills, but I’d thank them for taking time and
interest to deliver tips on how to return a volley or aim for a basket
to the less physically inclined — like me.
Though my classes focused on
traditional academics, I’d often remark at the surprising talents of
fellow students in our art program. Often, I’d stop by the department to
admire the work of friends. They displayed more than technical
aptitude; their creative designs were often wonderfully colorful,
uplifting my thoughts and inspiring my senses.
It was natural for me to compliment
each of these people, to give them credit in genuine ways. Finding the
best in others always made me feel happy.
Flattery
Flattery might be a close cousin to a compliment, but it doesn’t always do us, or the deliverer, quite the same justice.
The biggest hiccup with flattery is
the hidden hook. When we flatter, we’re not merely admiring or
appreciating someone else; we’re looking to extract a little something
for ourselves.
So while compliments are designed with
a genuine motive, the same can’t always be said about flattery. We can
flatter others to make them feel better or more special, but consider
the following.
None of us have to look very far back
to remember having been conned into something because we succumbed to
flattery. We’ve all fallen prey to the clever manipulations of someone
else’s words or intentions in the process. We’ve made purchases we
really didn’t need, accepted invitations we would have otherwise
declined, and caved in to many other subtleties delivered through the
flattering tongue.
If we’re honest with ourselves, we’ve
also been on the opposite side of flattery. We’ve been conveyors of
flattery when doing so suited our intended hopes, expectations and even
personal whims.
I like the well-grounded advice from
Hank Ketcham, creator of the Dennis the Menace cartoon character. He
muses wisely, but with a smile, “Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it,
but don’t swallow it.”
In my latest podcast, I take up compliments and flattery in a bit more detail.
Like everything else I do, it’s a
reminder for us to aim toward the authentic. As we do, we discover more
of our own happiness, peace and confidence and make our world a bit
brighter along the way!
Enjoy.
Listen here or click below for Podcast 150: Compliments or Flattery?