Until now, I have
been absolutely afraid to fail. Deep inside was a voice telling me that I
will not be loved should I fail. Growing up wanting to receive endless
love and support, I never felt I got what I was looking for. Because I
did not see it I continued to feel that I needed to be do better the next time
and maybe then. Part of the patterns that surrounded me was, rarely if
ever, anyone admitting a mistake, even years afterwards – in spite of the
results. So, my programming was set, always strive to be the best—but not
receiving the rewards, and even when a mistake or undesired results happened –
do not admit it to anyone.
Years of trying
to get everything lined up to be perfect has handcuffed me, until now.
The old saying
of getting your ducks in a row seems to fit; the trouble is what is the
probability of getting ducks in a row. Even if you can, they will
probably not stay there for long. So the cycle continues and nothing is
achieved.
I have attended
countless motivational, business, spiritual events and left charged up on one
level, but kicking myself inside. Because I felt that I could have done a
better job presenting the material. But I have not allowed myself the
opportunity to put myself out there, for fear it would not have been perfect.
There came a
time when the caterpillar could no longer stay as is and struggled to become
what it knew itself to be. A butterfly, beautiful and free of the
cocoon. I am now looking for opportunities to take small steps, in which
I cannot fail, and as I gain experience and confidence I will be taking on
bigger challenges and stages.
What lies
within you that eats you up; and, knowing if this passion was left unfulfilled,
how would it affect the rest of your life?
If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything. ~ Marva
Collins