We shouldn’t judge where we are, as that can become a non-productive cycle. However, realizing where we are and having the willingness to act will allow us to move more quickly through these stages to get to a level of acceptance. When we are ready to move forward with hope and confidence, we can keep our child(ren) moving forward on their path. This was the case for my husband Pier and me with our daughter Gabbi. Pier and I both went through these stages at different paces. Being a type A personality, I dove into ways to help myself better understand Gabbi and the diagnosis we had received. Also, I didn't particularly like feeling bad in as much as that my goal was to get to a better place as quickly as possible. Pier spent more time in denial with the notion that Gabbi would eventually outgrow the challenges she was experiencing. After speaking to hundreds of moms about the stages their families went through over the last 13 years, fathers often can have a more difficult time moving out of the denial stage. There is no right or wrong; in fact, there is relief in understanding and accepting that we are where we are. However, once we realize where we are, we can choose to act in helping ourselves through this process more quickly. I'm sure you've heard the analogy of being on a plane, and if there is an emergency where we need oxygen, we should put our masks on first before helping our child put theirs on. This is a perfect analogy for helping ourselves get to a place of acceptance in order to help our child do the same. |